Daniëlle is a divorce expert at Kind in Scheiding Zeeland: 'Parents involve you from the start to prevent a contested divorce'
As a divorce expert at Kind in Scheiding (Child in Divorce), Daniëlle is a jack-of-all-trades. Within the team, she takes on a wide range of tasks: from answering parents' questions to attending network meetings. From preparing and delivering training sessions and webinars to monitoring the court's UHA process. But her core business is divorces.
Make a connection
Kind in Scheiding Zeeland is the connecting link between parents, professionals, grandparents, and the municipality. "We receive many questions during consultations or via email. Many people ask us for help when they're getting divorced. But sometimes you're also dealing with a contested divorce where one parent hasn't seen their child for twelve years."
Professionals, municipal youth counselors, and court staff also have access to Kind in Scheiding Zeeland. "We collaborate with the municipality when youth care is needed, or we receive referrals from people who come to the municipality with questions about divorce. We also work closely with care providers involved with families, such as @Intensief Pedagogische Thuishulp (Intensive Pedagogical Home Care), certified institutions, and professionals who work with families. If we notice that questions are frequently asked, we explore the possibility of developing a training program on this topic."
No assistance
As a divorce expert, you're not a counselor. That's an advantage, Daniëlle believes: "You can say a little more because you're not a counselor. I feel free to be a little firm, but in a loving way. I can be directive, and that's a role I enjoy. For example, I was once asked to attend a family council. During the meeting, I noticed things that I later discussed with the family. Initially, the parent wasn't happy about it, but in the end, it turned out to be valuable to help the family further."
Our starting point is that every child has contact with both parents, and vice versa. The child is central, not the conflict between the parents. That's what we stand for, and we act accordingly. In our conversations with the parents, we often provide the necessary push to move forward, so that the children are back at the forefront, not the conflict between the parents. Our conversations with parents are becoming increasingly preventative. They call earlier and earlier, and then you're involved from the start to prevent a contested divorce. I enjoy that.
Teamwork and making progress
Because working with divorces isn't boring. "There's so much hidden behind the parents' story. No one gets married intending to divorce later. The trick is to figure out what's making it so difficult for this parent. We discuss this with the parents to give them insight into their own pain and emotions. This insight often helps parents regain their strength. And besides, I don't do it alone. Within the team, we always consult with each other. We also have a behavioral specialist who is closely involved with our team."
"If you focus on one thing, you'll get better and better at it," says Daniëlle. "What I love about my work is that it's all about divorces. Divorces are your core business, so that's all you focus on. As for knowledge, it's about making progress. The more you talk to parents going through a divorce, the more patterns you'll recognize. At a certain point, you'll know exactly what to say to get the two parents talking again."
Do you want to advocate for children going through a divorce, just like Daniëlle? The Kind in Scheiding Zeeland team currently consists of three youth professionals, all of whom work as divorce experts. To complete the team, Kind in Scheiding Zeeland is looking for a fellow youth professional. Do not hesitate to write or get in touch.